“To I love you”
lmao fail autocorrect xD
1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.
2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.
4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.
8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.
Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.
This is beyond beautiful.
and I smiled reading your reply lol
On adopting a baby kitten;
Him: Hey, did your mom ever say yes to adopting the kitten once it’s born?
Me: She didn’t even answer my text. I walked into the house and the first thing she said was, “WHY DO YOU WANT A CAT FOR?!” So that’s a no.
Him: That’s not a no! You could’ve made good points about it. You could’ve been like “It could eat any bugs or mice in the house if there are any” and stuff like that.
Me: Yeah, and he’ll scratch the shit out of our furniture! and pee or poop all over the place! and she’ll be like, “who’s going to take care of it? that’s another mouth to feed!”
Him: You train it! Hell, I’ll pay child support!
Me: LMAO, I’m telling her you said that.
Him: Okay and since I’m paying for it, I get to name it.
Me: What?! oh hell no! It’ll be my child, you’re just paying child support so I can raise it!
Him: Nah, ahhh! I’m paying so I get to name it!
Me: You obviously don’t know how child support works! lmao I want to name it too, gosh!
Him: I want to name him muffin!
Me: Aww… that’s actually cute. But no, I want to name it cherry!
Me: Cherry! It’s cuter than Muffin!
Him and I simultaneously: Cherry-Muffin!! -start cracking up-
Me: Cherry muffin is cute! Okay that’s its name. I get to actually PICK THE KITTEN from the litter!
Him: No, I’m going to do what my coworker did when he picked his pup. He went up to box of puppies and said “Chocolate!” and only one puppy looked up at him and wagged its tail at him. So I’m going to walk to the cats and be like “Cherry-Muffin!” and that’ll be our child.
Me: -laughing- you’re such a loser lol. Alright, but I want to be there too. I have those rights as its mother.
We get too excited about these things sometimes lmao
I have come to the conclusion
that I was a cat in another life.
At the tea shop
-we get our food-
Me: *about to nom*
Him: NO, NO, WAIT. WE HAVE TO SAY GRACE FIRST.|
Him: *grabs my hand* God… thank you for this food. and my lovely girlfriend. okay, amen.
Me: -cracking up- I know you’re joking about all this, but you actually did pretty good.
Him: Why are you laughing?? XP
Me: Because I like guys who have faith and say grace, but the fact that you’re doing it as a joke to keep me from devouring the plate is kind of ironic bc for a second it seemed legit.
Him: I’m a good boyfriend.
“Hello, this is Ivy speaking. How can I help you?”
“Yo… your voice….”
“LOL, I’m going to report you for sexual harassment.”
“I’m calling because I’m wondering if you have some Ben Nye powder at your store?”
“Yes we do, but not for you.”
“Yo, I want to speak with your manager!”
“He’s no here right now!”
“Then I’m writing a letter to corporate! What’s your name?!”
“… Charlotte Duerre Watson”
“Charlotte Duerre Watson!”
“Charlotte beware watson?”
“Just call me Charlotte.”
“Okay Charlotte, I’m reporting you. Gosh. Okay, I gotta run to class. Bye!”
Lmao, this was probably the funniest thing that happened all day today.
Such a slow day at work x_X
Thankfully he picked me up after work and got me some bubble tea :)
And I’m mad he didn’t realize that I used Emma’s name lmao.
I realized 2 days ago that for the first time this year, I’ll be able to attend comic con and all the conventions going on;
because I’ll be in the city rather than upstate….
and that has me feeling so excited omg. I can finally cosplay :D
No one is free on Tuesday;
…but I have the entire day to myself.
It’s supposed to hit the 70’s and I have an entire day to myself….
So I’m going to wear a dress and possibly some heels,
Go to a certain museum and see their new exhibitions
go to a certain park that has an amazing view and relax for a bit
possibly hit a bar and maybe start a conversation with someone (which is something that I’ve always wanted to do), or watch a movie that I’ve been wanting to see
and end the night with a nice meal at one of my favorite places.
To me, this isn’t being lonely. To me, it’s being in solitude and not having to listen to anyone or comply to anyone and simply indulging myself in a bunch of guilty pleasures. The freedom of it all makes me smile and gives me a sense of … fulfillment.
That is something that we should all have every once in a while.
It amazes me how some people have everything figured out and know exactly what they want.
They knew what they wanted to major in and knew how to work their way down that road.
They know exactly what they want, and know exactly where they see themselves in the future at such a young age.
And I genuinely admire that incredibly.
When people ask me what I want to do, all I could think of is travel.
I want to travel. I want to go see places and explore and see what else is out there. There’s so much that I’ve seen in pictures that I would love to see in person with my own eyes. There’s so much out there that I have yet to experience.
It’s always the same routine here, and it bothers me knowing that after school ends, another routine will start which involves work.
I have put my part in and have been working towards graduation and whatnot…
but I yearn to experience something different that doesn’t feel like a consistent drag… like a daily chore.
My long term goal in life is to have a home, a good job, and a puppy. I want a home because I haven’t had one in years. I’ve had a house and an apartment, yes. But a home? It’s been a while. I want a job in the medical field. I have been looking at optometry because it intrigues me so much, but in all honesty I know that I am a healer, so if I find something more appealing that I could work in with my degree in the medical field later on in life, then I wouldn’t mind it, so long as I’m happy. Up until recently I had been working two jobs and going to school full time. I quit one of my jobs that was paying me more, and started working more hours at my second job that actually pays me less. Why in the world would I ever do that you may ask? Because I found myself having way more laughing fits, bonding with the people, and enjoying my time more at my second job than at my first where I was consistently feeling so stressed. I’d rather be happy at a job with friendly and funny people than at a job where everyone is in a bad mood all the time. And finally, I want a puppy. Dogs are one of the few creatures in this world that can give you unconditional love. People come and go. Relationships with people may or may not fail. Friends come and go. But dogs? They’re always happy to see you when you walk through the front door and always keep you company.
I want to travel. I want to experience something that’ll spark a sense of wonder and curiosity. I want to see the wonders of the world. I want to hold a child living in poverty. I want to experience the feeling of romance in Europe. I want to see my toes through clear sea water. I want to watch the sunrise and the sunset in the middle east where the sun and moon look ten times its normal size back at home. I want to feel a sense of fulfillment.
To me, seeing how so many people prefer to slave over work and settle for so little thinking that it’s what they deserve
honestly frightens me sometimes. There has to be more than simply following a daily stressful routine. There has to be more than that. People put off going to all these wonderful places thinking that they have all this time in the world, when in reality they don’t. You never know if you’ll be here tomorrow.
I’m a healer, I really like to help people which is why I tend to be so charismatic and enjoy learning about medicine. But in another life, I would’ve loved to have done something that involved travelling.
Today was such a niceeee day. I love (and genuinely miss) days like these of pure relaxation. Good laughs, good food, and good company never fails to make me happy (and the incredible weather was a bonus, haha). If only our sister was with us today too.
Days like today remind me that no matter what happens in this little life of mine, I always have my sisters for support and to make epic memories like these with.
At some point in life, I would love to travel with the sisters somewhere to Europe.
Or atleast Disney World like we mentioned today lol.
Me: You’re going to be like -____-” when I tell you what my next painting is going to be on.
Him: Okay, hit me.
Me: An incorporation of all the tattoos I’ve ever wanted to get into one big picture.
Me: LMAO why you gotta judge me tho!
This little project of mine actually has me super excited xD
I may record myself and do a time lapse video of it xD
we’ll see ~
I have a girl crush on someone I went to high school with lol. I think she is gorgeous and her personality is so cute. Only thing is that we were never close in high school. I only spoke to her twice, and it was only for school assignments (which we found funny at the time bc it was ironic).
Today I found out that I’m anemic again and I lost a lot of weight. (A lot… It shocked me bc this whole time I thought I gained.) It’s never a good thing for me to lose weight bc of my tiny self :/. Gotta nomnom more which I don’t mind one bit lol.
Today reality hit me that I may move out of state when I pursue my OD in optometry, which saddens me for a couple of reasons.
I love my boyfriend. Things have been really nice which makes me happy :).
Someone confessed to me today that they have a small crush on me, which kinda worried me because they have a girlfriend x_x.
Someone else has been flirting with me lately and sending me bold texts which worries me too bc he has a girl as well.
I really, really, reallllyyyy love fruits.
I need to travel out of state (or even better, out of the country).
I want to go to summer concerts this year. And have fun and drink (which I barely do nowadays).
I may start making YouTube vids by the end of this month just for the hell of it.
My life has been pretty chill I guess. School and work takes up most of my time, but I’ve been going with the flow. Worrying only causes wrinkles.
Green tea is the shit… Especially in ice cream form.
I want to get drunk and kiss my best friend lol. Just because.
After experiencing a lavish lifestyle last week, I want to go somewhere serene and quiet next ~
I miss dancing, painting, running, and singing.
Looking back at old entries, old pics, and old conversations made me realize how much I’ve changed within the last couple of years (especially on certain touchy topics).
Things have slowly been falling into place one way or another ~
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